Hello muh babies. 

The fireworks tonight were beyond gorgeous. There were smiley faces and gigantic red hearts which were.. dazzling. Later, I found out the 's were supposed to be Big Apples, because.. you know, NYC and all that. How original. They must have fucked up. -nod-

They. Were. Not. Apples.

But they were hot nonetheless. And speaking of hot, I have a gorgeous neighbor I never knew about before. He was on the roof connected to mine watching the fireworks. But he's straight, just nummy to look at.

Anywho, I think the NY fireworks are amazing. Looking at them from where I am, you see the flashes sparkling off of the skyscrapers and reflecting on the water, everything glitters like diamonds and all the people stare in awe, even if it's their ninetieth year watching the displays. Have they even been around that long? Meh. Beautiful.

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Today, the 5th, is my mother's birthday. She's 48, but shh.. if she asks, she *looks* not a day over 39..

This means.. that tomorrow is -my- birthday. Nice segue. I'll be legal. Kind of, lol. If I ever get a job, I can open up my own bank account. Ah, sweet sweet independence... Oh! And I can buy my underage friends Cigarettes, because I myself do not smoke. *melts*

Well, I'm tired.. and I need some sleep. We have things planned for mother tomorrow :P Lovezins.

I'm depressed. Meh.

It's that kind of nostalgic depression that comes at random, like, when you're thinking about the things you wish you could have changed even though you know it's too late.. and maybe if you -were- able to go back and do something, it would wind up changing too many things in your life, and you couldn't bear the responsibility of having singlehandedly fucked up something so huge just to change something that, in retrospect, was so small...

*sigh* But there is no retrospect, no looking back, because we could never have the power to go back and do that anyway. It's confusing to think about. There's so many things to take into consideration. God, I don't know why I do this to myself, either.

I wish that most of my life had never happened, y'know. Or that things about it would have been different. Like.. what if my life had been exactly the same up to the point where my mother got cancer, or my sister was raped, or when I was, or when my father went into rehab and failed for the first time. What if I was skinny, or weighed 700lbs? What if I was -blindingly- gorgeous, or absolutely hideous, or if I was a certified genius, or completely mentally challenged? Instead of being this pretty average dude, everything about my life falling into place chaotically between the extremes.

Meh.. so much to think about...

.....

Oh yeah. Happy 4th.